When love finds a home: How Family Acceptance Helped a Queer Couple Thrive

RETHABILE MOHONO

MASERU- for Sello Patrick Noosi, being accepted by his family has meant more than simply being allowed to live openly as a queer man.

It has given him a sense of belonging, stability and the freedom to build a life with the person he loves.

Noosi, who prefers to be called Pat, is from Ha Tebeli in Teyateyaneng, Berea District, but now lives at Ha Motjoka in Teyateyaneng with his male partner.

The couple started dating in 2016 and began living together in 2017.

Although same-sex marriage is not legally recognised in Lesotho, Pat and his partner consider themselves married, with their relationship recognised by both families.

For them, acceptance within their families has helped create a home where their relationship can exist without having to be hidden.

Pat says both families have accepted their relationship.

That acceptance became particularly significant after his partner’s father died.

Following the death, the family provided Pat with a letter confirming his relationship with their deceased relative. The documentation helped him make an insurance claim, which was subsequently paid.

For Pat, the experience demonstrated the practical difference that family recognition can make to the lives of same-sex couples.

It was not simply about being accepted emotionally. The recognition also helped him navigate an important matter following his partner’s death.

Pat says most people in their community understand and accept their relationship, although he acknowledges that not everyone does.

The couple’s experience illustrates how acceptance can provide LGBTQ+ people with a support system in environments where their relationships may not have the same legal recognition as heterosexual relationships.

Their story also shows that acceptance does not necessarily begin with institutions. For them, it has been strengthened within the family.

Pat says their relationship has also been supported by their faith and their life together.

They pray together, work together and participate in community life.

For Pat, being able to live authentically has become an important part of his happiness.

He encourages other LGBTQ+ people not to lose themselves because of social pressure.

“Be yourself, and love will eventually find you,” he says.

Acceptance beyond the household

The experience of Pat and his partner comes against a broader legal and social background for LGBTQ+ people in Lesotho.

According to Advocate Lebohang Ntlele-Rampai, Acting Executive Director of the International Human Rights Lab, Lesotho decriminalised consensual same-sex conduct in 2012.

In 2024, the Labour Act also introduced employment protections for the LGBTQ+ community.

However, Ntlele-Rampai said same-sex couples still do not have the same legal recognition as heterosexual couples.

Although same-sex conduct is no longer criminalised under the Penal Code, the Marriage Act continues to define marriage under Lesotho law as being restricted to different-sex couples.

This, she said, raises a need for legislative clarification and the repeal of residual discriminatory provisions.

“What this means is that same-sex couples may lawfully have a relationship but that relationship can never be afforded the same legal status that is afforded to heterosexual couples,” Rampai said.

She further said protections remain minimal to none because there is currently no general statutory framework giving same-sex couples a legally recognised partnership whose consequences would mirror those of a legal marriage.

For couples such as Pat and his partner, family acceptance can therefore become an important source of security in areas where the law does not provide the same recognition.

Their experience also raises questions about what happens to LGBTQ+ people who do not have supportive families.

A local psychologist said family rejection can have serious consequences for LGBTIQ+ people, with some experiencing such severe effects that they may attempt suicide, while others may turn to alcohol and drugs.

The psychologist said it is important for families and LGBTIQ+ people to seek professional help from social workers or psychologists to help both sides understand what is happening.

Families, the psychologist added, should learn to support their children even when they do not understand what they are going through.

Support can make a difference

Daniel Matete, an LGBTIQ+ community member, said support from parents makes it easier for members of the community to live.

“We are already going through a lot as it is, harassed, discriminated out here, but support from family and friends is more vital,” he said.

Dee Malelu, an activist and Faith and Religion Advocacy Officer at The People’s Matrix Association, said family acceptance matters because home is supposed to be the first place where a person experiences love, safety and belonging.

For an LGBTIQ+ child, Malelu said, knowing that their family still sees them, loves them and stands with them can make an enormous difference in how they experience themselves and the world around them.

For Christian families, Malelu acknowledged that conversations around sexuality and gender can sometimes be complicated, particularly where parents have questions about their faith and their interpretation of Scripture.

However, those questions, Malelu said, should not require a child to experience rejection, humiliation, violence or abandonment.

“A parent does not have to have every theological answer before choosing to love their child,” Malelu said.

Malelu said Christian families can begin with principles such as love, compassion, dignity, forgiveness, humility and care for one another.

A parent, Malelu said, can acknowledge that they may still be learning and have questions while reassuring their child that they are loved and belong in the family.

Malelu also drew a distinction between theological disagreement and rejection of a person.

Families may have different interpretations of Scripture, but disagreement should not become an excuse for cruelty or for withdrawing love and protection from a child.

Christian parents, Malelu said, can create space to pray, study Scripture, seek pastoral guidance and have difficult conversations while keeping their relationship with their child at the centre.

They can listen before responding, ask questions rather than making assumptions, learn about their child’s experience, protect them from discrimination and ensure that home remains a safe place.

“Most importantly, parents should remember that their child is not a theological argument. They are a human being, a member of the family, and someone deserving of dignity and love,” Malelu said.

Sometimes, Malelu added, the most powerful thing a Christian parent can do is simply remain present.

A different possibility

Pat’s story presents a different possibility for LGBTQ+ people in Lesotho: one in which family members choose to maintain relationships with their children and relatives rather than allowing sexual orientation to become a reason for exclusion.

For Pat, that acceptance has helped him build a stable relationship and a life with his partner.

It has also allowed both families to remain part of their lives.

The couple’s story does not suggest that acceptance has eliminated all challenges faced by LGBTQ+ people.

Instead, it demonstrates how family support can help people navigate those challenges with a stronger sense of belonging.

For Pat, love has not required him to choose between his identity and his family.

He has been able to remain himself while maintaining relationships with the people around him.

And that, he says, is what makes acceptance meaningful.