Changing ways of proposing love

’MAPALO NKHELOANE

MASERU – ‘I love you’.

These three words have for generations been the defining approach men use to get into a romantic relationship with a woman. Ironically, these words can only ignite a solid relationship if a man says them to a woman not vice versa.

This is why most men say if there is one thing hard to do is initiate a romantic relationship.

They say proposing love to a woman drops their guts to the weakest point with doubt shouting: “What if she rejects you?”

“Can we kindly take this moment to appreciate God for this tool called the phone,” says Thabang Putsoe, 28.

“Those things have made our lives as men a bit easier. Do you know how tough it was to approach a lady and actually utter the ‘I love you’ words with no assurance of going away victorious? Today I just login onto Facebook, search that one particular lady I have been eyeing, then initiate a friendly conversation. From there it’s simple – one thing leads to another.”

Putsoe says one thing he has learnt about women is that when it comes to matters of love they do not joke around. He says they call a spade a spade; they rarely fail to indicate how they truly feel.

This, according to Putsoe, therefore makes it easier for them as men to know where they stand.

“If a woman does not feel for you she really does not feel you and her conversations will indicate just that. You will judge from her tone of communication whether to hit the brakes or accelerator paddle and if you have succeeded to win her over then your first meeting will actually be the second date,” Putsoe says.

Thabang Letele says it is a pity that even after so many things have changed men are still the ones expected to initiate the proposal. He says women should summon the courage to go after the men they want just as they chase after any other things they desire.

“Exactly what is meant by the phrase it takes two to tango? or does it apply in certain scenarios only? At the end of the day I find it unfair for women to simply watch men they passionately love be in relationships with. Telling me you love me or you have feelings for me would not make you any less of a woman. I for one would call that bravery and maturity. I would actually feel so happy to have a woman tell me, Letele I think I have the hots for you,” he says laughing.

Lipolelo Khahloe, 25, a resident of Maseru says black men could really learn a thing or two from white men on how to go about proposing.

Unlike white people, she says, blacks do not want to take time to study a woman before labelling her a girlfriend.

She shows that with black men, there is no such thing as a potential partner; they want to date at a go.

Khahloe indicates that a lot of men have concluded that providing a phone number is a “yes” to their proposal when in reality it could mean they have simply spotted a potential partner.

That however, she says, does not guarantee a relationship. She notes that she does not see black men coping because they lack patience.

“I mean what happened to giving a lady some space to make an informed decision? What happened to waiting until you both figure out if there is chemistry between the two of you or not? I know one may talk about embracing love at first sight. That personally does not work for me because that is just a clear indication that you like what you see and not what you feel and love does not work like that. I mean what can you possibly love about a complete stranger?” Khahloe says.

Khahloe also shows that a lot of women have fallen prey to wrong relationships because they rush into relationships with the fear of losing the man while thinking about whether or not to date him.

She says: “It is ok to like a person and go to sleep on the idea of deciding what to do but no! Men just want a quick response. I like that white people could go out for lunch more than once and not call themselves a couple. And when they finally do they will say ‘I think I love you’, instead of ‘I love you’. Taking things slow in this business of love is key. Maybe I watch too many Hollywood movies but nonetheless, that is how I see things.”

Puseletso Khama says she still prefers the old method of initiating a relationship. She shows that nothing beats being told “I love you, please be my girlfriend”.

The words, she says, offer her a platform to in return ask what it is the man loves about her and she will take from the man’s responses what to do next.

“As for this norm that exchanging phone numbers is enough to date does not work for me. I mean, what if one of these days I ask him if it is over or not with us and he tells me he never proposed to begin with? What will be my defense? Nothing. So to save the two of us from any embarrassment, tell me when you want to date me and come back again when you want us to call it quits,” Khama says.